The scary thing(s) about goals
Borrowing a legend's perspective to examine one of January's oldest clichés
I really didn’t buy the idea that you could “train” your subconscious mind. It was a big part of how then-Louisville head men’s soccer coach Ken Lolla framed the path to growth. He regularly told the team (and his staff, on which I was a student volunteer) that visualization was a free and infinitely repetitive method to train your mind and, transitively, your body.
It also worked off the field, I was told.
Simply confronting my goals daily that were written somewhere I frequented (bathroom mirror, note taped to a laptop, etc.) would eventually lead to my everyday decision-making working in the best interest of those goals in the aggregate.
As a college kid with a variety of trivial interests outside of the success of my soon-to-be budding career and academic pursuits, I was skeptical and fairly non-committal. Sure enough, the time quickly came for me to do things that could actually make money and pay for rent. After fortunately landing a pair of formative internships in school, I found myself both clear-eyed in the career I wanted and relatively clueless about the road to get there.
The other day (in the year 2024, apologies for the time travel), I saw a story feature a quote about goal-setting that took me back to the moment where it was time to leave Louisville for an indeterminate next stop.
“The greatest fear you face is yourself, because we all have dreams, and it’s very scary sometimes to accept the dream that you have. And it’s scarier still to say, ‘OK—I want that.’ It’s scary because you’re afraid if you put your heart and soul into it, and you fail, then how are you going to feel about yourself? Being fearless means putting yourself out there and going for it, no matter what—not for anybody else, but for yourself.” — Kobe Bryant
I remember two specific things about that moment. I both a.) wanted to cover/work in professional sports more than anything else in life and b.) looked around at the people that were doing it and was terrified that I wasn’t good enough.
So I decided to try writing my goals down and looking at them obsessively. Knowing myself, I used my phone lock screen to make them especially inescapable. At the top of the list (the note used for the screenshot is still buried in my notes app) was to “become a full-time national writer at a national outlet”.
From that point in 2014, the next two-ish years went something like this:
Being offered a full-time, salaried job in sports, then turning it down because I was interviewing for a paid internship (rare at the time!) that sounded better.
Nearly having a meltdown the next day because I’d turned down a salary at age 22.
Taking the aforementioned internship at Sporting News and moving to Charlotte, NC.
Realizing I probably wasn’t the next Bill Simmons, Zach Lowe, Rembert Browne, etc. (and that I maybe didn’t want to be, and being a little scared to admit that to my fellow interns and bosses that gave me what I knew was a huge break into a hard industry)
After fully admitting that to myself, moving home to Ohio to regroup, work for a trucking logistics company, and change that top goal in my phone background to “work full-time for a professional sports team, covering the team”.
Feeling like the following five-ish months were approximately five years in length.
Getting a seemingly cosmic job offer through Teamwork Online (IYKYK) despite not having any pre-existing connection to my soon-to-be boss.
Making what felt like a monumental move (pun intended) to Washington, DC to be terrified all over again. It was the best thing I’ve ever done.
*Insert another quote here, maybe the one about shooting for the moon and landing among the stars*
The short conclusion here, of course, is that writing down and regularly confronting the things you want unequivocally works… eventually.
It’s hard to be patient and honest with yourself when you’re falling short of what it takes. It’s even harder when what you want just fundamentally changes because life happens. It’s all still worth it.
Inspired by a handful of podcasts and columns playing January’s Greatest Hits of goal-setting conversations, I sat down a few days ago to start a new list of things I want to do that are far more focused than the wide-eyed life agenda from my early 20’s.
(Warning: One of them is to send you 23 more of these this year, this is your chance to get out of it now)
I’ve graduated to a much more organized Notion widget in my home screen rather than a notes screenshot. Life is different than it was when I first tried this exercise. But I still got excited and a little scared thinking about what the end of the year will look like if I check off the whole list.
I think that’s how I know it’s a good one.
Coffee: Lobster Butter Love, Rooz Roast Coffee (Ann Arbor, MI)
A nod here to not only delicious coffee that was gifted to me and my fiancée for Christmas by my family in Ann Arbor, but to the newly minted national champion Michigan Wolverines. Go Blue.
Wine: Saldo Zinfandel (The Prisoner Wine Company, California)
It’s cold now, meaning it’s time for us to drink bold red wines. Not many grapes are bolder than Zinfandel, and a recent favorite in our house is one of the more affordable labels of The Prisoner Wine Company. Saldo is a good balance of spice, ‘dark fruit’, and smooth tannins. It’s perfect for staying inside.
Sounds: Goodbye Carolina (The Marcus King Band, Carolina Confessions), Hey Driver (Zach Bryan feat. The War and Treaty)
My long-time love of folksy, bluesy, bluegrass-y sounds has led me to some fairly downright country-sounding waters lately. Billy Strings is likely going to be featured in this section in the near future to complete this cycle, as will one of Bryan’s recent collaborators, Noah Kahan. For now, check out a couple of songs that will take you for easy-going journeys.
He's back! I also have a 24 post goal this year. God speed.